This week is over!!! Yippeeee or boohoo????

Woman oh woman!!!! How the heck do we do it? I'm so thankful I'm a woman, but really, do we have to have all that comes with it? I just came home from yet another failed attempt to attend a women's bible study. I did everything I could think of to anticipate every emotion and need for my daughter to keep her happy for just two hours!!!! I got up early and packed everything up, crayons, books, toys, strawberries, milk and cherrios. Even on the way I stopped at Starbucks to get mommy a skinny latte and her an egg sandwich. Miss Bunny? check...Binkie? check....Blankie?...check! We sat down and she chowed on the sandwich while watching the video. After 5-10 minutes there was a realization that we were watching the wrong week! I immediately thought, what? No way? I planned for an HOUR, not an Hour and some odd minutes!!!! Amelia was getting fussy waiting for the new video. Cool, we're onto Strawberries and video. After the food she was done...She started grunting, so I pulled her out of the room and we sat in the dark in the lobby watching through the glass doors. I was totally set up. Books.....crayons.....milk. Ame was getting sleepy, PERFECT!!!! Then she threw everything onto the floor and wanted to walk. I figured there was only 10 minutes left and then I'd run her up to the nursery, so she could walk. BAD decision. She wanted the stairs. She threw a fit and started crying. I took her to the nursery to change her diaper and hopefully leave her to play with the kids. As soon as she felt the hands of another person, she started to cry like a crazy baby!!!! She wasn't having it! One of the boys got in her face trying to help her stop crying and then accidently dropped a toy bus on her head. That sent her over the edge and I was over trying to get her to play. We packed up and headed to the car. Sadly I wasn't prepared for this and my purse was downstairs! I walked her, I swung her, just to get her to stop crying. Nope, Nada, Niltch, Nothing! I started to cry, because I didn't have that emotion covered in my bag of tricks. I was stuck. Seriously, no phone to text my girlfriend downstairs I needed my purse, no keys just to leave. I was getting nervous and angry. Why does it have to be this way to come to church of all places!!!! Why does she have to be so damned dependent? Why couldn't I get her to stop crying. Finally I said screw it and headed down stairs with a crying baby. I grabbed by bag of tricks, stroller and purse and headed to the car. I was so angry at everything and she wouldn't stop crying! Don't worry, she's fine:) I didn't throw her to the curb. Thought crossed my mind:) but she's sound asleep. I came home and cried and cried. What went wrong? I just wanted two hours to be an adult, to communicate with women and to have some growth time. We're studying the Beth Moore Esther series. Today was really cool. I, like most woman struggle with insecurities of "womanhood." That's a big blanket, I know, but under it we each share some sorta thing about women and being a woman. Whether it's comparing ourselves to each other, just being in a group of women, our appearance, growing old... I would like it better if all women were in their under garments, in a dark room, allowing our bodies to communicate and not our mouths:) Anyway, I really thought today was going to be successful. I asked the Lord what went wrong, why didn't my plan work (big mistake:)), why wouldn't she stop crying, why does she have to be so dependent? And then the answers came to me after I calmed down a bit. Dah, Jenn...you created a pretty good schedule. She eats at 9:30am, which is when bible study starts, so it throws her off immediately! Then she goes down for a nap between 10:30 and 11am. Hello, she's not at home and she's tired! She's crying because she's tired and can't communicate it. She's dependent because she's only ONE! Hello Mcfly! Man I keep thinking really? another one? How can I do this? Just when hopefully Amelia will grow out of the "need mommy" stage, there will be another little one to fill her shoes. Lord, is this wise? Just then, the radio started to play "Bleeding Love" Leona Lewis, and I went into a moving meditation. You S girls know what I'm talking about. I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe. I exhaled as my worries and fears drifted from my head. I walked around and then went into kneeling hip circles and then upper body circles. Just breathing and moving slower then life. I'm human...as I stretched from wall to wall, I'm not alone...reaching my heart up to the skies. I know this doesn't make sense to most of you. One day, try it. Put on some soothing music, close your eyes, empty your brain, get on your knees and let your hands move in the air, through your hair or over your curves. Go back to your roots and just breathe! Need help? Call me and we'll do a moving meditation together. In fact Amelia goes down at 8:30pm, come over! Let's breathe together. No dancing, no pole, just meditation. Thanks Lord for getting me through this morning. I'm not perfect! I'm no alone. I'm one of millions of women who have these natural feelings. Forgive me for my selfishness and please give me strength. Help me through this lesson! Even if I have to do it outside of church, I'm still wanting to learn. I cancelled my open houses for SD this weekend. I need to focus on our wonderful news and celebrate our little peanut! Oh yeah...I'm due November 4th! Peanut is 6 weeks and 2 days old! Thanks for letting me speak.

Amelia and her new big ball...

Grandma stopped in last week and wanted to hang out with Amelia. We went to a couple stores, one being Target. Grandma wanted to get some toys for her house for Amelia. As we were walking the isles, there they stood high in a basket, a huge pile of those gynormeous balls!!! I told mom to keep Amelia occupied and looking the other direction. Well, we kinda got caught up on a toy and headed straight to the glow....Amelia looked up and her eyes got all big! Then she reached out her arm and pointed with a grunt. As if she was saying, "C'mon grandma, I've just got to have one!" Grandma stood there trying to figure out how to get one out of the huge basket. Suddenly, out of no where a man walks up, grabs a green one and hands it to Amelia. She looked at her knew ball, like it was the prettiest thing. She held it high over her head, she gave it love and then she tossed it into the isle!!!! Yeah, she likes to play catch with the silly adults! She had fun playing with her new toys at Grandma and Grandpa's house. We'll be heading there tonight!!!!

Great times with friends

Last week we found out we were pregnant! Amelia told Yaiya and Papou over Skype. What an amazing program!!!! Last week wonderful friends, RV friends, spent a few days parked in front of our house. Carolyn was there the last time I found out I was pregnant. The morning we were heading to Stagecoach! We had breakfast in the park. Amelia LOVES her breakfast there, because she's surrounded by DUCKS! Afterwards, we went and fed the ducks. She's very sly with how she grabs your hand as if she wants to hold it, but in reality, she's wanting to walk. She's doing so great at walking, she just doesn't trust herself enough to take that first step on her own. Anyway, thanks J&C for the visit! It was great to have friendly neighbors just footsteps from our front door. Love you!!!

AMELIA IS IN BIG SISTER TRAINING....

Yes, that's right. Amelia is going to be a big sister! We are about 5 weeks into pregnancy and was very hesitant on saying anything. We would be silly not to. We are excited and have to share with such a great support group! We know we are not out of the "rough," therefore the next few weeks we ask for prayer that our little one stays strong and healthy. I knew a few weeks ago I was, but the tests said I wasn't. Monday morning, I decided to double check...Low and behold, I was. I have another test on Monday to see when I can go into the doctor. I have to reach 6000 hormone $#@*&^%* something or other and I'm at 953. So far, the tests look good. Amelia told her daddy Monday morning via SKYPE with a little sign stating she was big sister in training. She made a few phone calls to Aunties and grandparents. I can't believe it's happening! This past month has been a great one in "dance" class. I've gone through many emotions and have had some incredible break through, and have sorted out some of those misplaced feelings. My mind and body just needed to connect:) Last night's class was wonderful. A Breathe of fresh air. Thanks Teach! I told Megan it was her job to get my body ready for pregnancy, and so she did:) xoxoxo What a fun year! Two weddings and a baby! A movie in the making. I also have started my business Stella & Dot. www.stelladot.com/jennyb check out my web site! host a party, buy some fancies:) My launch party is next weekend!!!

What a warm sunny day!

We had such a fun day today. It started off with lots of walking around the house. Lots and lots and lots. Daddy and I took turns walking the baby:) Then we headed to daddy's soccer game, where they won!!!! Congrats Daddy. Auntie Sarah joined us to cheer on the White team. After soccer we drove around a bit, so the little one could get a cat nap, looking for a house for Auntie Sarah and Uncle Dean. We came home and ate lunch, then headed to the hills, our favorite walking spot. The sun was so warm! We then fed the ducks and then headed home for some down town before church. We enjoyed church very much. Not sure who the pastor was, but he was great!!! I learned so much in one night. For those who attended, Amelia would like to change her name from poopy pants, to speed racer:) She had us all running around in the parking lot after church. Daddy's playing poker, Amelia is sleeping and Mommy is catching up! Thank you Lord for such an amazing day!

Lunch Date with Grandpa

Friday we headed to the spectrum, in search of some good walking shoes for Amelia. We found them! She picked them out. I can't believe these things will only last her 2-4 months! Um, do you think that could work for me? Anyway, after making our big purchase, we were able to meet up with Grandpa for lunch. Amelia showed off her new shoes and made Grandpa help her break them in. After lunch, Amelia and I headed for the horses! She pointed to the one she wanted to ride. She was so proud as she sat tall on her horse. "Giddie up." What a wonderful day.

CONGRATS Daddy! A hole in ONE!!!!

Last weekend while the girls played in LA and Old Orange, Daddy was in PD enjoying his last weekend of his golf discounts, due to us owning a home there. I can't believe it's been a year since we sold our PD home!!!!! Wow, time flies! Anyway, Daddy got a hole in one!!!! There were witnesses:) Amelia wanted to make a card for daddy. She's such a good artist!

Keep'n busy

We've been keeping busy here at the Hadj home. We survived all the rain! One day Auntie Sarah, Amelia, the dogs and I went for a walk on our favorite paths. The sky was so clear, you could see the HOLLYWOOD sign in the distance. One picture is of our new friend Coon. He decided to really get the hounds in an up roar by sleeping on the top of the shed under some shrubs. He didn't stay, but one night. We haven't seen him since. Last weekend we made our way up to LA to the flower district. If you love flowers, you have to go there! We were in search of wedding flowers! Amelia had the chance to walk the streets of LA and enjoy the lovely exhaust! One of Amelia's favorite treats is liking the Greek cucumber yogurt from a spoon. She won't eat normal yogurt, but she loves her Greek stuff!

So yummy...

Auntie Sarah came over today and we took a long walk in the park. Amelia sang her "Daddy" song. :Daddy, daddy, daaaaddddyyyyyyy," Over and over. She's so cute! Afterwards we shared a garden salad at Olive Garden!!!!! Oh so yummy. I went to class tonight. It was again so amazing. Too crazy to share, except I'm bruised up:) I learned a lot in class about myself and other women. I love it.

I'm soooo happyeeeee, so very happeeeeeeyyyyy

All I can say is YUM YUM!!!!! Ame says it Ahm Ahm with her mouth fully open. Today Amelia and I decided to close the kitchen. We threw out things in the fridge daddy could make dinner with (no not all of it). With this rain, we needed to get out. We'd settle for Denny's, since we had a gift card there. Low and behold though, daddy had a gift card to Olive Garden!!! The garden salad was to die for!!!! All you can eat for 6 bucks!!!! Amelia got her very own children's cup after showing daddy and I that she can drink from a straw like a big girl. This kid cracks me up...she's been drinking juice and water from her sippy cup for months, she drinks water out of her water bottle and now she sips from a straw, but she refuses to give up that stink'n bottle! Maybe because she loves making her own milk bottle. She opens the fridge door, holds the milk cap and then puts it back on, opens and closes the microwave and waits for the milk to be poured into her bottle. She gets so excited in the morning when she wakes up. She points her way to the kitchen, all the way to the fridge. So I've been cleaning out boxes in the garage, AGAIN! I swear someone keeps adding boxes into the garage. I emptied three today and a lot of it is on the dining room table. I'm not sure what to do with it. It's our wedding stuff, like cards, favors, and so on. I also have my baby books and artwork when I was a perfect child:) Do I dare put them back into a container or try to find a place in the itsy bitsy house of ours? I think I have to go back into the garage and find a box to clear out and throw away, in order to bring back in a box. It's the only way I'm going to get my pole back up! Speaking of pole...I had one of the greatest dances Thursday night. It felt so good. I danced to "Like A Woman" You have to listen to it. I have it on the blog. Anyway, I dressed up in my mommy clothes, jeans, long sleeve shirt, hair up in a clippy and my favorite black scarf. Each item I was able to shed from my body was a feeling I was able to let go of an emotion. Like throwing the clippy across the room and swinging my long hair threw the air. Or dragging the scarf across the floor with arms stretched out. The emotions came flowing, as well as the tears. I avoided my teacher after class in fear Niagara falls would dump into the studio. There's something so amazing, so raw, so vulnerable, about dancing in the dark, flying around a pole and being a live. I don't remember every part of the dance, but I left feeling so incredibly sensual, so light, so.....well, I felt like I did when I was taking class and teaching, even up to when I was 8 months pregnant. I strongly believe Amelia has her love of music because she was there in my belly listening to my voice and hearing an array of music. It felt really good!!!!! Thanks Teach! I also had my Stella & Dot trunk show at my house Sunday. That was a blast! So many fun women there to try on some really cool pieces of jewelry. I have learned that it's not the tag on your pair of jeans or the label on your shoes, it's the accessories you drape your gorgeous self with that make a statement about yourself. I doesn't have to be something BLING BLING, but simple or eclectic. Some of their pieces were inspired by their grandma's jewelry they have. Go raid mom's jewelry box! I have been asked to become a stylist and I'm really thinking about it. I would be able to network with so many women and possibly embark on some new friendships. Oh, I've also finally looked into play groups for Amelia and I'm joining a bible study. A wonderful friend of the family is going for support. She's going to help me let Amelia make it to the nursery without mommy crying, and to hold my hand as I enter the room of women. I'm a little bit nervous, but excited to connect with a Christian community. I think I mentioned it in a past blog, but I feel the Lord is stripping me of the woman I was. Taking away layers that I put on thinking it was me or would make me a better person. It's been a tough long road, but I'm feeling his presence with me each way and will not give up hope. It's way too late for me to seek therapy:) I'd spend the rest of my life (and life savings, if I had one) trying to rehash the past and break down every event, I don't think that would be good for me. Mind you, the carpet I have swept everything under is now 2' above ground:) It's going to be good. There is still more stripping and sanding away to do for God to mold me, but I have all the time in the world he gives me to enjoy each day, each lesson in life and my hubby and baby girl! Like Kenny says.....Don't Blink!