This week is over!!! Yippeeee or boohoo????

Woman oh woman!!!! How the heck do we do it? I'm so thankful I'm a woman, but really, do we have to have all that comes with it? I just came home from yet another failed attempt to attend a women's bible study. I did everything I could think of to anticipate every emotion and need for my daughter to keep her happy for just two hours!!!! I got up early and packed everything up, crayons, books, toys, strawberries, milk and cherrios. Even on the way I stopped at Starbucks to get mommy a skinny latte and her an egg sandwich. Miss Bunny? check...Binkie? check....Blankie?...check! We sat down and she chowed on the sandwich while watching the video. After 5-10 minutes there was a realization that we were watching the wrong week! I immediately thought, what? No way? I planned for an HOUR, not an Hour and some odd minutes!!!! Amelia was getting fussy waiting for the new video. Cool, we're onto Strawberries and video. After the food she was done...She started grunting, so I pulled her out of the room and we sat in the dark in the lobby watching through the glass doors. I was totally set up. Books.....crayons.....milk. Ame was getting sleepy, PERFECT!!!! Then she threw everything onto the floor and wanted to walk. I figured there was only 10 minutes left and then I'd run her up to the nursery, so she could walk. BAD decision. She wanted the stairs. She threw a fit and started crying. I took her to the nursery to change her diaper and hopefully leave her to play with the kids. As soon as she felt the hands of another person, she started to cry like a crazy baby!!!! She wasn't having it! One of the boys got in her face trying to help her stop crying and then accidently dropped a toy bus on her head. That sent her over the edge and I was over trying to get her to play. We packed up and headed to the car. Sadly I wasn't prepared for this and my purse was downstairs! I walked her, I swung her, just to get her to stop crying. Nope, Nada, Niltch, Nothing! I started to cry, because I didn't have that emotion covered in my bag of tricks. I was stuck. Seriously, no phone to text my girlfriend downstairs I needed my purse, no keys just to leave. I was getting nervous and angry. Why does it have to be this way to come to church of all places!!!! Why does she have to be so damned dependent? Why couldn't I get her to stop crying. Finally I said screw it and headed down stairs with a crying baby. I grabbed by bag of tricks, stroller and purse and headed to the car. I was so angry at everything and she wouldn't stop crying! Don't worry, she's fine:) I didn't throw her to the curb. Thought crossed my mind:) but she's sound asleep. I came home and cried and cried. What went wrong? I just wanted two hours to be an adult, to communicate with women and to have some growth time. We're studying the Beth Moore Esther series. Today was really cool. I, like most woman struggle with insecurities of "womanhood." That's a big blanket, I know, but under it we each share some sorta thing about women and being a woman. Whether it's comparing ourselves to each other, just being in a group of women, our appearance, growing old... I would like it better if all women were in their under garments, in a dark room, allowing our bodies to communicate and not our mouths:) Anyway, I really thought today was going to be successful. I asked the Lord what went wrong, why didn't my plan work (big mistake:)), why wouldn't she stop crying, why does she have to be so dependent? And then the answers came to me after I calmed down a bit. Dah, Jenn...you created a pretty good schedule. She eats at 9:30am, which is when bible study starts, so it throws her off immediately! Then she goes down for a nap between 10:30 and 11am. Hello, she's not at home and she's tired! She's crying because she's tired and can't communicate it. She's dependent because she's only ONE! Hello Mcfly! Man I keep thinking really? another one? How can I do this? Just when hopefully Amelia will grow out of the "need mommy" stage, there will be another little one to fill her shoes. Lord, is this wise? Just then, the radio started to play "Bleeding Love" Leona Lewis, and I went into a moving meditation. You S girls know what I'm talking about. I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe. I exhaled as my worries and fears drifted from my head. I walked around and then went into kneeling hip circles and then upper body circles. Just breathing and moving slower then life. I'm human...as I stretched from wall to wall, I'm not alone...reaching my heart up to the skies. I know this doesn't make sense to most of you. One day, try it. Put on some soothing music, close your eyes, empty your brain, get on your knees and let your hands move in the air, through your hair or over your curves. Go back to your roots and just breathe! Need help? Call me and we'll do a moving meditation together. In fact Amelia goes down at 8:30pm, come over! Let's breathe together. No dancing, no pole, just meditation. Thanks Lord for getting me through this morning. I'm not perfect! I'm no alone. I'm one of millions of women who have these natural feelings. Forgive me for my selfishness and please give me strength. Help me through this lesson! Even if I have to do it outside of church, I'm still wanting to learn. I cancelled my open houses for SD this weekend. I need to focus on our wonderful news and celebrate our little peanut! Oh yeah...I'm due November 4th! Peanut is 6 weeks and 2 days old! Thanks for letting me speak.